I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
