I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
