Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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