yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
