Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
