I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
