So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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