Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
