So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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