I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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