i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
