I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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