yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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