dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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