So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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