and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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