This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
