Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i out mim tonsoeep
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