Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
