wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
