It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love you. Go after that dick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
