She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
