he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ugly people sure do ruin things
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
