a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
