too bad you live with your parents still
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
