Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My pussy is not your playground.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
