It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
