I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
