I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
