she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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