We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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