my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
