okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
