Got a toothbrush?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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