I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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