when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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