He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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