I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
