I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
