if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
