What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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