You don't have asthma, your pregnant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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