Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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