Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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