Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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