I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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