Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
