Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
