I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
