TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
