Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You made out with two different species that night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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