you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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